NO success with online dating. Is this normal? Does it mean I'm ugly?

I'm trying to get a sense of how my success with online dating compares to other guys. I decided to give online dating a try because I work with mostly older people as a Software Engineer. I don't really have many friends either, so it's tough to meet people.





I consider myself successful compared to others my age, I make around 80,000/year at 25 years old. I am very physically active and in excellent shape and quite muscular. I'm 6foot 190lbs, six pack, everything. Everything about myself is very good except I don't have an attractive face. I'm very average and my face has a naturally serious expression to it which causes some people to think I look scary.





So on to my success online: I joined eharmony for 5 months. Most women blocked communication with me upon viewing my profile. Some talked (maybe 10%). Out of the girls that talked, only 3 agreed to schedule a date with me. One of these girls cancelled, the other went on 2 dates before rejecting me, and the other went on one.

NO success with online dating. Is this normal? Does it mean I'm ugly?
Sounds like those women are as judgemental about your looks as you are about their weight....
Reply:I don't think it has anything to do with being better or worse than the women. A serious face, or being a little more heavy set are just characteristics that people find attractive or unattractive. So for example maybe some of those ladies you are rejecting were seen as beautiful by someone with different taste than you. Maybe if you come across as too serious and someone is looking for someone whose strength is their sense of humor they are going to look for a different profile. First of all i don't think you should take it personal that people that you don't even know don't want to be romantic with you. They don't mean it personal- i mean you don't when you reject people because of their body type right? You just know they are not right for you. Second, If you are the type of person that is seen as scary you may not make a great first impression (not sure cause i don't know you) but it would be easier to meet people not expecting to be romantic so they can get to know you first- like a coffee shop or something or a friends house...but since you don't have many friends that might be a good place to start- friends are very important...Older people are usually have children that might be your age or friends or family your age I would start by making friends there and see what happens.
Reply:Dating online is not a cure all. You've only been on the site for 5 months, give it a chance.
Reply:There is a problem here! You aren't giving everyone a chance! Rejecting the bigger women and thinking that they are all obese is wrong! I for one am a big girl but I am pretty confident and take DAMN good care of myself! I'm not lazy, I love walking and working out but I am the way I am and no matter how I try to change it, it won't. Being of one with success and admitting that you are not the hottest guy on there why are you so shallow to not want to date a women who is full figured? That is my question to you..can you answer that!? Just beacuse we are bigger than the rest does not mean that we can not and do not be loved!


Online dating is like real life. Rejection is apart of learning who you click with and who you don't. But being shallow by not giving everyone a chance is closing the door on some wonderful people! Love is taking a chance at life and no it doesn't mean that you are unattractive or that you are not going to find someone! Just don't be so closed minded and close out women who are interested in you! It is those who are interested in you that will make the relationship last longer!


So give us big girls a chance you might like what you get! E-mail me and I'll send you my picture!
Reply:I think you might want to try a service where you have more freedom contacting people (like Match.com).





Initially, my dating experience was similar to what you describe. I was successful in my 20s and I even have a tendency of giving off the appearance of being annoyed (even though I'm not). eHarmony was one of the first dating sites I tried and I experienced what you describe. A big part of my problem was this: I was meeting so few women that every time I actually got a date I stressed myself out over it, acted strange/stressed on the date, and then the woman never wanted to see me again.





I seriously doubt your looks are your problem. Also, it sounds like you're being hard on yourself by viewing a failed date as "rejection". Sometimes things just don't work out.





I would recommend looking into a few other dating services to try to generate more frequent dates. Since eHarmony "matches" people, the population of your town might be hurting you more than anything else. Also, I went on dates with people regardless of their weight. However, I believe it is important to be attracted to your partner so if you know you would never want a relationship someone overweight it might be more honest to continue doing what you are doing.





You might find these articles I wrote helpful too:


http://www.littleredrails.com/blog/onlin...


http://www.littleredrails.com/blog/the-n...


http://www.littleredrails.com/blog/an-ab...





Best of luck and don't give up! I went on over 30 first dates before finding my wife!
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Reply:I agree with both of your answers